Queen of all things… VODKA

my loyal subjects are delicious….

birds & the bees

i have an alllllllllllmost a teenager daughter.

shes always been very smart and not at all unsure of herself (i have no fucking idea where she got that from….  the confidence, not the brains, the brains is all me…  hehe).  and totally not into drama.

so when she tells me last week, “hey mom, i have a boyfriend”, i almost shit myself.  i mean it.  right there in the fucking car.  woulda been a helluva mess.

and all i can think is OHMYFUCKINGGODNOMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOPSHESOUTOFHERGODDAMNEVERLOVINGMINDWHERETHEHELLISMYREALDAUGHTERTHATHATESMEN???????????????

somehow, though, i managed to not go crazy white girl on her.  i managed to continue to drive in a straight line and say, “is that right?  and who is this?” and ask other mundane questions like what PRECISELY having a boyfriend at her age means (apparently, it just means sitting together on the bus and your friends make you hug).

now, im a nazi mom, my kids do not have cell phones, they do not have email addresses, they dont have facebooks, etc etc etc.  neither one of them talks on the phone — though, that i didnt put my foot down on, they just never get or make calls (which is totally FINE by me).

so when i said, “so, does this mean a BOY is going to me calling my HOUSE?”  and she said, “GOD NO MOM!  i did NOT give him my NUMBER!!!!”  i almost died.

i mean, really????????  shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, i was holding hands with my boyfriend in 5th grade and ever since i was in preschool i had boys calling my house.  i didnt kiss with tongue til i was in 8th grade tho.  and its allllllllllllll downhill after that, so we wont discuss that here.

but still, i was shocked.  and kinda pleased.  like, ok, so this boyfriend thing is really just on the bus and at recess?  ok, i can deal.

 

then last night…….

 

she comes out of her room and says…..

 

 

oh yea, by the way mom, i got married.

 

 

UMSCUSEMEWHATTHEFUCKDIDYOUJUSTSAYTOMELITTLEGIRL??????????????????????

 

um yea, friend A and B have a thing where they say do you want him to be your husband and bla bla bla, and then they make us hug.  its seriously awkward, but yea, now im married.

 

i said, oh, child, not even close.  but, hey, as long as it doesnt go beyond hugging, call it whatcha want.

 

but i feel like i need to tell her things, like:

you dont get a boyfriend right before HIS birthday (yea, his bday is tomorrow,  and she HAD to get him a present).  get one before YOURS.

if he doesnt get you something really nice for valentines day, dump his ass.

 

what else do YOU think i need to tell her?????????????

 

 

i need a drink so bad my teeth are crying.

 

XOXO
Cheers!

 

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words.

i spent day 2 swimming in a sea of government regulations.

so, these are the words i saw all day…….

ugh.

 

and THESE are an accurate depiction of how i dealt with people 😉

heh.

 

by the end of this month, life should be much better.  but ill still speak fluent sarcasm laced with lot of profanity.  😀

 

its friday, this momma, is gonna indulge.  so, cheers to all of ya.

 

 

 

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February Photo A Day…. Day 1

the prompt today…….  my view……

my outlook on this day sucked bad, so the view, not so pretty.

bleak, right??? blah.

but, later, things got a bit better…..  so my view was a lil more fun 😉

much better part of the day!!

still noodling on day 2s subject…
cheers.
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weakness, schmeakness.

“I’m almost embarrassed to admit to it, in this day and age, but I’d like to be married and have babies.  I’d like to have the luxury of being weak sometimes, instead of always having to be strong.  I’d like to be there when my children come home from school and I’d like to watch soap operas and vacuum rugs.”

          — Shay Kendall, female lead “Ragged Rainbows” by Linda Lael Miller

Never, ever in my life have words in a book hit home so hard for me.  And you’re talking to a chick that reads MULTIPLE novels at a time and in a week.

When I read these words on my lunchbreak today, I immediately put the bookmark in the book, tossed it on my passenger seat, and said “FUCK!”

Why?

Because these words brought to the forefront everything I have been trying to deny.  Because I am always the strong one.  With my babies, with my friends, with my family, with the douchebag that i have been wasting the last 5+ years of my life with.  I DONT FUCKING GET THE LUXURY TO BE WEAK.  EEEEEEVVVVVVVVEERRRRRRRRRRRR.

Then, partially to see what reactions I would get, and partially to see what those that i consider my TRUE friends would say or do with it, I posted it as my status on the gawdawful facebook.  One of my very best friends “liked” it.  And honestly, THAT was what I was looking for from her.  Because that meant she read it, understood it, and acknowledged it.  She didnt have to SAY anything to me.  That was nice.

But, then, thennnnn there is the total moronic bimbo — “where does the soap opera part come in?  i havent watched one since i decided to stay home 3 years ago” from some other chick that is nowhere near actual friend status.  but still, im like, really?????  you are an asshole.  its a figure of speech dumbass.  no mom with a brain thinks you actually get to watch soaps all the fucking time.  that wasnt the point.  and thanks for reiterating the fact that you are fucking clueless.

But, she does illustrate the point that a lot of people just do not get it.  Being a single mother is not an easy job.  Being a stay at home mom isnt either — please do NOT get me wrong — but in theory, you still have someone you can lean on at night when the kiddos are sleeping.  The quote, to me, doesn’t speak to me about being a stay at home mom.  It speaks to me about having that other person in your life that you can count on.  Sure, hes probably a dick half the time.  But, I bet when you really, really need him, he is there.  I bet that when you need a shoulder to cry on, he’s there.  I bet, when things just plain old fucking suck, he’s there.

Who is there for me?????  Hmmmmmmm??????

Me.  Thats it.

Sure, I have friends.  But, thats not the same.  If I truly needed someone rightfuckingnow, they would be there, have no doubt.  But, you know, they all have their husbands and families too.  So, when its 10pm and I want to talk to someone about something or nothing or enjoy a peaceful silence watching TV or I need something simple like my back scratched? Yea, I’m on my own.  Its Sex and the City, DVR’d episodes of various shows, or a book, or my computer, or just bed.  I cannot expect my BFF to come scratch my back, shes at home in bed with her hubby — as she should be.

When my father had a heartattack the first time, could I break the fuck down?  No, no I could not.  Happy face to the world, crying inside.  Show I’m scared?  Absofuckinglutely not.  Thats a crime against humanity.  (note:  my dad is ok, hes great actually, but you know what, that shit scares the fuck outta me…  and everyday I worry about him)

If I do happen to show a weakness in front of someone, they have NOOOOOO idea what to do.  None.

There’s a fucking hole in my life, and I’ve got to figure out a way to fill it.  I need to be someones priority.  I NEED that like I need air.  I need to be able to lean on someone like people lean on me.  Need a sitter?  Call the Queen — she has nothing better to do anyway.  Need a shoulder to cry on cuz your Hubby is an asshole?  Again, call Queen — she’s home alone, so she has time.  Bored sitting at home?  Just drop in on Queen — you KNOW she’s home and – BONUS – she has booze.

I’ve got to figure out how to NOT be afraid of being alone for a little while, since thats basically what has prevented me from severing all ties with the douchebag.

I’ve got to realize that the unknown might be scary, but its quite often the best thing ever too.

I’ve got to drill this stuff into my head.  So that I CAN have the luxury of being weak once in a while.  I CAN have the luxury of having a life with a man the way I want it.

I need to stop being a fucking doormat.

*sigh*

I think I need a drink.  😉

Cheers!

The Queen

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so, apparently, i live under a rock.

because, until about 2 months ago, i had never, as in EVER, seen an episode of Sex and the City.

ill wait while you all drag your asses back up off the floor and into your chair.

now, close your mouths, you’re gonna catch flies.

so, yea, i succumbed to peer pressure a couple months ago and my coworker — who, now, toooooooootally reminds me of charlotte — loaned me her complete set of DVD’s and the 2 movies.

this shit is like CRACK.

im watching the 2nd movie right now, and i think i may cry when its over, just because then i dont have anything new to watch of them.

thank the baby jeebus that repeats are on TV everyday!!!!!!!

cheers!

the Queen

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Never fear, Queenie is HERE!

Oh HELLO out there in bloggy land!!!!  I hope we will all become wonderful friends!

I’m a single mom.  I have two daughters.  My own mother cackles her delight at the fact that these lil witches are my carbon copies……  TIMES TEN.

One of these daughters is on the cusp of becoming a teenager.

Both of these daughters drive me to drink.  😉

This, I’m hoping, will be a FAAAAAAAAABULOUS way for me to be an ADULT with some adult interaction that does not include arguing with these lil snots that I love more than life itself.  My intention is not for this to be a mommy blog.  More of a, “hey, who’s the smart-assed lush?” type blog.  🙂

Here’s hoping you all enjoy!

XOXO

Cheers!

The Queen

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